What I've Always Wanted To Tell You
by bipolaroxymoron
Summary: Veronica is an intern. She'ss cold and likes secrets a normally passive Reid hates her.   What happens when Reid falls for someone with such an abused past. Then when pastabusers come back into her life from a case. Where are they left?
1. Chapter 1

**I kinda just stopped on the fanfics for a long time. But I'm back! Different writing style you could say, better grammar too. You know the deal. Don't like. Don't read. Don't flame :P**

**Yes another Reid fic. I can't ever stop loving him :D o.o**

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><p>Reid shuffled into the BAU office his head down, brown leather messenger bag on his shoulders. Nothing out of the norm button down sloppily tucked into his trousers.<p>

There stood a woman Spencer didn't recognize. Short, very short. Only stood at 5 foot compared to his 5'7 which wasn't even that tall. Long white-blond hair with every hair neatly straightened. Dark, dark blue eyes. She was cold. She didn't wear a lot of make-up see was very pale but didn't need much foundation. But her dark red lipstick seemed even darker next to her pale skin. Dark black eyeliner made her eyes seem even more blue. She was quirky looking. In a beautiful way.

He didn't like her. Something about the way she was just irritated him.

Her red lips moved fast as she talked to Hotch. She held he calm demear however.

Hotch finally realized Spencer's presence. His eyes lit up, and directed the unknown woman toward him.

"This is our very own genius Spencer Reid." Reid gave a half-assed smile and wave and tried to push by.

"This is Veronica, she's going to be interning here for a little while."

The blonde gave an icy stare and a curt smile. She reached out to shake his hand. He cleverly dodged the attempt. It wasn;t like him to not like someone. He was usually a very passive agreebable person. She seemed to begin to realize his almost hate toward her. She recognized this with a bit of irritation.

Veronica blew him off completely throughout the day. Everyone seemed to like her, they were already joking around with her. This irrtated Reid more.

Conversation of the case at hand began. A murder out in Texas. Young woman dead, about 26, unidentified. Raped and stabbed.

And then they were off.

~.~

It only made Reid's mood worse when he ended up sitting next to Veronica on the plane ride over.

"So where are you from, Spencer?"

"Friends call me Reid." he said curtly.

"So Reid-" she was cut off again.

"That makes it Dr. Reid to you."

His snarky comment cut through Veronica's cool demeanor a little.

"Okay _Dr. _Reid. Aren't you a bit young to have a doctorate anyway?"

"I graduated high school when I was 12."

"Hm. So your ego's bigger than you are? Not a great trait." She said icily.

Reid was taken aback by the comment and his own behavior around her. He was not normally like this. He was a very passive person. Nonconfrontational. Knew his place. Now he was being snarky and rude. He hated that this girl brought that out in him.

He took his dark blonde-reddish-brownish hair behind his ear and sighed, defeated. He hated fighting. We had three more hours of plane ride to go.

He thought about hiding in the plane bathroom. He thought about ignoring her completely. Then realized he was the one who brought up the hard feelings.

"Look I'm sorry about before." A slice of the real Reid was showing.

"Shit happens."

"I'm from Nevada." he said nervously.

She barely glanced up.

"Y-you asked before,

"Where are you from Veronica?"

"The south, good at hiding the drawl huh?" she cracked a halfassed smile.

He felt an odd feeling in his tummy, it felt kinda good to see her smile, at the same time he despised her. He couldn't make up his mind.

"Very good. You ever been to Las Vegas? Y'know there are over 15,000 miles of neon tubing."

"Mr. SmartyPants over here? Oh sorry _Dr. _SmartyPants."

He stared at her. It was nice not to hate her for a while.

"Okay I'm sorry that was lame." she said smiling again.

But even her smile was cold. Everything about her was clean, cold.

Her black heels were very high but had no pattern. Her black skirt was a pencil skirt cut an inch _maybe _two above the knee. Her blouse was white showing just a litttttle bit of cleavage. Everything was normal. Perfect. Not a hair out of place. There was something behind this facade.

When the plane landed they seemed to returned to hating each other, Veronica hated it. She loved how smart he was. She hated how angry he was. There was a peek of light when he told her about Las Vegas but it quickly disappeared. This frustrated her

The team pulled up to the hotel, everyone was tired and didn't do much talking. They all went to their rooms silently. She sat on her bed, she never slept. Never could. She was a bit of a night owl. Something about Reid drove her crazy. He made her want to tell him about everything.

_"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story within you."_

_-Maya Angelou._

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><p><strong>Slow beginning. I apologize. It'll get better. Intros are always rough for me. <strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Not much feedback yet. But it's been a day what should I expect. Haha, thanks for the user for the story alert. But I'm the genius who accidentally deleted that email _**

**Welp still kind've having trouble staring it up but it'll get better.**

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><p><em>"This is Veronica, she's going to be interning here for a little while."<em>

_~.~_

_"Hm. So your ego's bigger than you are? Not a great trait." She said icily._

_~.~_

_Something about Reid drove her crazy. He made her want to tell him about everything_

_~.~_

The sun gently peeked through the sheer curtains of the hotel. Texas. Her home state, most people wouldn't believe it. She was very pale, she didn't have the glowing tan, the honey colored, wavy hair, the perfectly heartwarming smile. Everything about her screamed outcast.

She wasn't too far away from her home town in general. Maybe she would visit her sister, they were close.

Reid was always an early bird, didn't have much tolerance of staying awake late but enjoyed waking up at the crack of dawn. He liked the sunrised. How the pink melted into the blue. He liked the little things, things that nobody paid attention too.

He liked outcasts.

~.~

Everyone gathered in the lobby of the hotel. Reid refused to accept that everything was normal, the same. They all were shippped off to the local morgue to look at the body.

The room felt like death. When Veronica walked in, she could feel it. The heavy feeling, overpowering smell of cleaner, meant to cover up what would reek of decay.

The woman on the metal table looked like the common Texan, she looked like she used to be very happy, but the life was taken from her features making them look coold and meaningless. The team hovered over the body blocking Veronica's view.

"Unsub is a male, looked like she was over powered." Emily said.

"Yeah, she was stabbed multiple times, unsub was someone she knew. It was an angry attack" Derek added.

It mesmerized Veroncia to watched them at work. They were so much more serious than they were back in the office. .

"She was beautiful." JJ quietly said.

Veronica waited a little until they dispersed a little to look at the girl. The sight made tears cloud her vision. Her head spun blurring her thoughts, she leaned out out the 'EXIT' door and puked. The team watched her drop to the floor.

~.~

Reid's heart dropped. Watching her reaction, seeing her cool composure disappear scared him. They rushed over to see her in a pile of her own vomit. Hotch was even surprised by her reaction. She seemed so gutsy.

"Reid, take her back to the hotel, Morgan help Reid carry her to the car. JJ talk to the mortician for me. Gideon, come with me. We'll all meet back at the hotel in Reid's room."

Reid sighed, he would be the one assigned to watch her. After Morgan completely showed him up by carrying her single-handedly into the car and plopping her in, Reid jumped in the car and gave a wave to Derek.

The whole ride to the hotel his mind shook with a thousand thoughts, he struggled to carry her out of the car and tried his best to ignore the strange looks.

He was relieved to plop her on the couch in his room, he flexed his strained thin arms. He quietly wiped the vomit from her mouth. He felt the need to wipe the dark red lipstick and black make up form her eyes. He took a tissue but his hand twitched. Would that be going to far?

He couldn't help but gently wipe it away turning the previously white tissue black and red.

She looked so innocent. Her thin pink lips looked so delicate. Without the black makeup revealed long dark eyelashes. She looked so beautiful. He wished she did this more often.

~.~

She could feel her eye twitch, that's when she realized her eyes were closed. She opened her eyes and her vision was blurry. She blinked quickly making the mixed shapes form into objects. She then felt a sharp pain in her head it pounded with a rhythmic beat.

She noticed Reid hovering over here and her heart skipped a beat, euphoria made her brain cells dizzy. But she was harshly stung back into reality. She didn't like calling him Reid she then decided every time she thought of him, she would call him Spencer.

~.~

The team burst in just as Veronica was awakening. She heard Garcia faintly screaming about Veronica on the phone and it made her smile a little bit. Veronica looked around, it made her a little happy to see how concerned they all were. She held her head and leaned up.

"Ow." She said.

They team began to relax, she was okay. Hotch's expression relaxed, JJ ran her fingers through her white-blonde hair, Emily's composure was more laid back, and Derek's face turned into one of relief.

Reid didn't know what to do, what to feel, he sat back and tried to quiet his frantic mind with facts. He couldn't bear to think of being happy she was okay, he was supposed to hate her, he was supposed to hate that she was on his team, right

But, he couldn't bear to dislike that she was okay, he couldn't bear to hate her well-being.

She spent the rest of the night on the couch, it wasn't until Reid came back to his hotel room that night that he remembered that she was sleeping there. When he walked in it was cold and he could imagine how uncomfortable her subconscious was, how cold.

He took the heaviest blanket he had and gently placed it on her cautious to waking her. She shifted in her sleep to cuddle into her blanket. She looked cute.

_No, no no. _He needed to get these obsurd thoughts from his head. He felt no need to wake her. Why disturb her when she looks so peaceful, she never had such a sweet expression. Maybe he didn't want to move her because she never looked this happy. She never looked so at peace. Maybe he didn't want to move her because he wanted to look at her.

But then again maybe not.

However it was the first full nights sleep for her in a while.

~.~

She awoke to Spencer's groggy facial expression, messed up hair, and skinny but a _little _bit muscular chest. He kinda wanted to drool but she had to much dignity and pride. _Way_ too much pride. She stretched out and made a tiny yawn.

_Even her yawns were dainty, perfect. What the hell._

That's when she realized she was on Spencer's couch. And had slept through the whole night.

~.~

So what happened yesterday?" she asked, the rheum already cleared from her eyes and a normal facial expression; but Reid oculdn't help but love how she looked without makeup.

"We went to the morgue, you saw the dead body, puked then fainted." He said it so nonchalantly.

"What? Dead people don't bother me."

"This one did."

He pulled a picture from his brown leather messenger bag.

She leaned over and puked once again into the trash can.

"Are you okay? Are you gettig sick?"

His worry couldn't amuse her.

"That's my sister."

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><p><strong>Ooooohhhh cliffhanger. ;) might start writing the next chappie now, or go read more Reid fanfics. Oh jesus.<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**I GOT A REVIEW. Seriously, I almost died. I didn't know if people were gonna like this because I'm usually a little more creative, but thank you ^.^**

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><p><em> She leaned out out the 'EXIT' door and puked. The team watched her drop to the floor.<em>

_~.~_

_"That's my sister."_

_~.~_

_She looked so beautiful. He wished she did this more often._

_~.~_

_ Maybe he didn't want to move her because he wanted to look at her._

_But then again maybe not._

_~.~_

_That's when she realized she was on Spencer's couch. And had slept through the whole night._

_~.~_

Now Reid felt like he wanted to bend over and puke. Her sister. Her first case and some angry man she could possibly know had brutally murdered her sister.

He wanted to hug her, comfort her, make her feel better. But at the same time he wanted to share his condolences and leave her. These conflicting feelings began a brutal war in his mind with much bloodshed to come. He just looked up his big brown eyes boring into hers, his eyebrows scrunched like they did when he was thinking, and he softly said.

"I'm so sorry."

It was quite obvious she was shaking, her long red nails became a blur and her breath, ragged. She calmed her breathing and looked into his eyes.

"Shit happens." she said coldly.

She stood up the heavy green blanket falling.

"Thank you, I'll see you in a few hours," and walked didn't know what just happened. He didn't know what was going on. His breath came out ragged and he leaned back on the couch.

It reeked of vomit.

And her. She always smelled of vanilla, and a teeny bit of lavender.

And he couldn't help himself from absolutely loving it.

He hopped into the shower and even as he washed his hair Reid couldn't focus, he had no idea how he would get through the day.

~.~

She sat on her bed. Veronica hated hotels, the pillows were too cushiony, the sheets were stiff and bleached, and it all smelled...new.

Spencer. Annabelle. Spencer and her.

She couldn't get it out of her head.

Annabelle's smiling face, tan, shiny, nothing like hers. Spencer's, pale, quirky, and constantly worried.

Annabelle was tall, lean, always had a glowing tan, short honey hair, uh, well endowed body. The perfect girl.

Veronica was always short, very pale, navy blue eyes, long light hair, still had an even uh more well endowed body, not nearly was warm or welcoming as Annabelle was.

Not only that but she couldn't get Spencer out of her mind. He was so quirky, so intelligent. Exactly what she loved. But she didn't love him. She didn't even _like_ him as a friend or..._that. _

No. No. No. She wouldn't evenn let the thought of _that. _Into her head. It was scary. It was more than scary, it was so out of the question. So instead of mulling over every thought she had of Spener, every funny moment or good memory with Annabelle, she decided it would be much better for her, everyone else, and her own mental health to finally hop into a scalding hot shower.

When she got out she felt so much better the smell of puke and despair was washed of with some very good scrubbing. She let her naturally straight hair fall and changed into a very normal outfit for her. Ridiculously high heels (she wanted to pretend she was an average height), a black pencil skirt two inches above her knee showing her long legs, a low cut red blouse. Applied blood red lipstick and her dark eyeliner.

She looked like she was going to a funeral, in a pretty way, but nonetheless.

But then again. In a way she was.

~.~

She was the last to come meet the team in the lobby, it wasn't really like her, but the last few days had been strange. She noticed Reid talking quietly to the rest of them with his usual awkward expression but the corners of his mouth turned down. She knew exactly what was going on, this theory was only enforced by JJ running up and tightly embracing her.

Hotch looked at her sadly, "We're going to have to ask you to be taken off the case since you had close relations with the victim."

Veronica, who was normally a very calm person, fury ignited.

"And I will politely decline that offer."

Hotch felt a twinge of frustration. "It was a question."

"Hm? Well I'm sorry. My sister and I were very close, if anyone's putting that bastard in handcuffs, it'll be me." she said with a very blank expression. She didn't express her anger for what Hotch said. She didn't express the agony she felt for her deceased sister. She didn't express the confusion her heart felt. She was blank.

"There isn't an option." Hotch began it get irritated.

"That's a bit too bad, isn't it?"

Hotch was almost angered into silence.

"JJ go with Prentiss, Gideon will come with me, and Reid and Morgan you willl go to the morgue talk to the mortician finish what we were interrupted doing yesterday."

Veronica decided to follow Morgan and Reid, she wanted to see her sister again. Without puking.

~.~

While she silently boarded into the backseat Morgan looked back at her.

"Damn girl, you have some balls."

Veronica shrugged not sure what to say, she was rather unconfrontational, but this was Annabelle.

"WHy are you dressed like you be going to a funeral?" Morgan then quickly realized the meaning of his words and the car became silent. After a few minutes of some _almost _comfortable silence Reid broke it.

"What was her name?" he said softly. Almost whispering.

"Annabelle, she was beautiful y'know. A girl's dream, she was the girl everyone wants to be." she said just as softly as Reid had mentioned it.

And that's when Spencer Reid felt this unimaginable desire to kiss Veronica. But knew in his heart, he couldn't.

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><p><strong>Welllppp this chapter was alright next one will be better. I promise ^-^<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**More reviews :D i was so happy! Sorry this took so long.**

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><p><em> Her first case and some angry man she could possibly know had brutally murdered her sister.<em>

_~.~_

_He was so quirky, so intelligent. Exactly what she loved_

_~.~_

_She looked like she was going to a funeral.__But then again. In a way she was._

_~.~_

_"There isn't an option." Hotch began it get irritated._

_"That's a bit too bad, isn't it?"_

_~.~ _

_Spencer Reid felt this unimaginable desire to kiss Veronica_

_~.~_

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><p>Derek turned around, "We're here guys!" he said in his loud manly voice.<p>

Reid blushed a little, he felt like they could hear him think that. Veronica's face was stone cold as she left the black SUV. She struggled to maintain a cool composure as she entered the building. The smell of death remained. It gave her chills, she hated it still.

The mortician showed them the body of Annabelle. She wanted to puke again, she refused to let the bile climb up her throat. Not again. She'd be strong this time.

She stared at her gently closed eye, she wanted to see her almond colored eyes. She wanted to flip her eyelids open, but she knew they would be pale, lifeless, clouded over. She held back the desire. She knew it would make her feel worse. She barely realized a tear escaping down her face bringing her dark black eyeliner with it.

Derek and Reid noticed it, Derek silently thanking God she wasn't puking, and Reid once again holding back the urge to hold her and kiss it away. He didn't know how he would function. He couldn't get Veronica out of his thoughts. Long white-blonde hair. Gah. He closed hs eyes and shook his head trying to remain cool and composed.

Veronica didn't want to look anymore, this didn't look like the Annabelle she used to know at all. It made her sad to see her, Annabelle was the type to always be happy but the liveliness had been sucked out of her. She regretted coming, she regretted wanting to join the BAU. She regretted everything, all she wanted to do was seek solace in Spencer's eyes. However, she knew she couldn't.

She felt a sudden, random wave of anger crash over her. Her face flushed and the tears became an ocean running down her face, why her? She politely asked the mortician to close up the body bag and went outside to feel the fresh air wash over her. Finally alone she let her cool composure fall and she let her small, frail body be shaken with sobs of sorrow and despair. She could feel the presence of Derek and Spencer behind her but she couldn't stop the salty tears from running down her face taking the rest of her makeup with them.

~.~

Spencer watchhed Veronica leave the room. He didn't know what to do, he felt awkward. He certainly couldn't act on his feelings, he wanted to run out and hold her. God, what the fuck was happening to him. And he coudn't pretend nothing just happened that would be heartless. So Morgan and Reid decided to awkwardly follow her. The sight was heartbreaking.

Vernica stood alone hunched over, her small body shaking violently, tears falling off her face onto the ground. Derek put his hand on Reid's shoulder, winked, then retreated back into the morgue. Spencer hated him for that.

~.~

Veronica froze, her tears finally pausing. Her gasping shudders slowly turned into small whimpers. She could still sense th presence of Spencer but couldn't completely grasp a cool exterior so she didn't bother turning around.

Spencer leaned closer inhaling her scent. Vanilla and a little lavender. He wanted to stand by her just so he could smell her, he was aware he couldn't though. He placed a calloused hand on her soft, pale, shoulder. He felt her entire body go rigid, he waited for her to melt, a heavy silence hanging between them. As he felt her body relax somewhat he placed his hands on her waist and hugged her from behind. He tried to make it seem like a friendly gesture but they both knew the electric current between them could not be ignored.

"Hey." he softly whispered, his breath close to her ear giving her goosebumps.

Veronica felt it too, they both knew what was going on, but they both refused what was inevitably going to happen, happen now.

Just as softly Veronica whispered back a "Hey."

Veronica began to feel herself lean into Spencer's lean, slightly muscled body. She liked the way he felt all around her. She inhaled. She wished he would stand here forever just so she could smell him.

Suddenly, the two were snapped back to reality. Veronica awkwardly inched out of his embrace and his tight hold on her loosened. Veronica tured around, Reid was shocked, she looked beautiful with no makeup. Even with gray streaks running down her face her once dark blue eyes, seemed much much lighter and her lips, usually painted a deep red, were full and pink. This onlly made him want to kiss her more instead, he cleared his throat.

"Uh, how you feeling?" he said shifting back and forth anxiously.

"How do you think?" That's when she stalked off toward the black SUVm to wait and Derek emerged from the doors of the morgue.

Reid turned toward Morgan, eyebrows scrunched together and asked him gently. "What just happened?"

Morgan chuckled at Reid's naive silliness and reached over and patted his head. "Well Reid, you just fell in love."

Spencer stood. Absolutely puzzled.

~.~

After the team once again gathered. Hotch and Veronica exchanged daring looks. Reid continued shifting uncomfortably. The team had a different aura. Emily Looked at the blonde curiously, could this random young woman had changed the way the group fuctioned?

~.~

That night as everyone was quietly tucked in their rooms, as usual Veronica sat awake tinking her thoughts clouded her mind irritating her. The way Reid held her...she liked it. And as she sat alone in bed, all she could think about is how much she longed for his arms once more.

'God damn Veronica, get ahold of yourself, you stupid girl, you're infatuated!'

She tried to shake off these annoying feelings but couldn't help herself from letting her mind divulge in a fantasy land.

Suddenly she sat up, her blue and gray plaid boxers uncrumpling themselves and her black tank top realigning itself she stood up and sknocked on Reid's door, suddenly self-conscious despite the fact these were her favorite boxers.

~.~

Reid heard a knock at his door, irritated and curious he stood up. His hair was everywhere, it was 1 a.m. he was tired. He opened the wooden door to reveal Veronica, once again without makeup yet to him, visciously beautiful. She seemed anxious. Antsy. Her hands were balled into fists and her eyes begged for the answer to some remote unknown question. She took a step toward him closing the small amount of space. Their chests were touchd and their heartbeats thumped together in sync.

Veronica grabbed him by his messy, _adorable_, hair and forced their lips together. It was a kiss of passion to say the least. Her lips were hungry, lust filled, needy. His were confused, scared, also needy. It summed it all up to one thing as her full lips touched his inexperienced ones.

They needed each other.

However in one way they were simliar. The same thought ran through bother of their heads.

_'What. The. Fuck._

_Is happening to me'_

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><p><strong>Uhm. I LOVE YOU GUYS. I am so so so sorry. lots of drama at home with the sister in the hospital and all. Hope you guys liked the last part. I'M SO SORRY. Byes 3 I'll update soon.<strong>


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